As a kid, it was so easy to make friends- you were put in social situations such a coffee groups, kindy, school and even sports groups, of your parents choosing and for the most part happily rubbed shoulders with the kid in the sand pit next to you. "Best" friends were made and broken depending on whether they were going to invite you to their party and if it all went to custard, well, then Mum or your teacher would sort it out.
I would consider myself quite shy and find it hard to jump into friendships as an adult. I care far too much what other people are thinking of me and because I get all worked up and nervous, I am prone to saying stupid things and knocking things over. I over think things and have even find myself pre- thinking things to talk about with new people so that I have something to say. It's funny because when I am working with kids I feel totally at ease and have no problems talking away but as soon as adults come along I revert back to a stuttering idiot!
Just before Miss Muffet was born, Action Dad and I moved away from Wellington - our home town- to Auckland. A place where we really knew no one. It was damn hard moving away from our family support systems and away from our friends, the people who were totally comfortable with and with whom everything was just easy. For months prior to moving, I was anxious about our move and imagined I would be stuck at home with a new baby, talking to the walls.
But that move was probably the best thing that could have happened for me- it forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and learn how to make friends. A skill I had never really needed to learn, having always had childhood friends close by and then making friends with their friends until Wellington's social circles all seemed to overlap.
I learnt to say "yes" to every invitation I got in those first few months. I signed up to baby classes and made myself talk during discussions and even more importantly over the cup of tea during break time. On the second week of a Baby and You class, another mum asked me to come along to her coffee group and I said Yes, and promptly found myself in a complete strangers house, surrounded by other mums in various states of new baby fog, talking about nothing and everything. At the end of that first coffee date, I invited everyone back to my place for the next week session- so I could be sure I would have people to talk to and something to look forward to.
I looked up acquaintances in Auckland and either invited myself over or asked them to our place. It was almost like a project- finding my place and my people in this new city. I made sure I always had a full calendar and that I was out and about everyday and seeing real live people. Until.... I found I didn't need to anymore. I turned around and realised how many wonderful friends I had made, from all sorts of backgrounds and careers and stages of life.
Now Action Dad and I have moved our little family back to Wellington and I am finding I need to employ those "friend finding " skills again. I have reconnected with primary school, high school and Uni friends. I have been set up on blind "friend" dates by caring people who know people with kids who live close by. I have joined up to kids music classes and put our names down on waiting lists for play groups. And I have even been that mum in the playground, chatting away and wondering when I should take it to the next level- inviting them to our place or for coffee without it being awkward and kind of creepy.
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